Archive for March, 2010

Where have I been?

Finished BOLC II in October. Shortly thereafter, BOLC II disappeared forever into the Place Where Good Ideas Poorly Executed Go To Die.

It wasn’t my fault. I swear. Probably.

Sometimes Google Images finds strange things. Very, very cute strange things.

What’d I do next? I got married!

Seriously. To the woman of my dreams. Your dreams, too, probably, but she’s all mine. For the record, it was not one of those spur of the moment “Oh God I’m lonely and really, really want all that BAH money!” military weddings.

Unless you call being together a decade “spur of the moment.” If your sense of time and perspective is that skewed, you may be a glacier.

This is a glacier. Glaciers are really, really slow. Which is kinda the point I was making there. In case you're a little slow yourself.

Happily married after way, way too much waiting around for her to make an honest man of me, I headed back to Benning for IBOLC. Also known as IBOLC or BOLC III for infantry types.

That is a long, long story. A deeply fascinating one, which can be summarized in a few short words. Words like: “Wow, that sucked, didn’t it?”

I graduated in February. And now here I am, a newly minted Lieutenant of the Infantry, beginning my first deployment to Iraq.

Today I sit in a piss-poor excuse for a billeted room – sort of a hotel for homeless types – at a local National Guard Armory. Tomorrow, I hop on an overcrowded, undereducated bus and travel on to my mobilization station; and after a few short weeks there, I’ll be on my way to Kuwait … then Iraq … and ultimately to a platoon of infantry riflemen just desperate for my skilled and fierce leadership.

This is going to be a trip. One that promises to range from tragic to banal to boring to endlessly amusing.

And thus the blog is reborn: after all, this was the stuff I really wanted to share. War stories, bore stories, and all in between.

Since I failed so miserably to blog daily about BOLC II and BOLC III, I plan – I swear! – to go back in time, when time permits, and tell stories. Or at least all that I can safely tell. Which leaves out most of the good stuff. Sucks for you, huh?

I’ll try to call it all up from memory, one day and week and month at a time. The same goes for OCS – after all, there are plenty of you out there curious about becoming officers. My advice? Consider Klown Kollege instead.

This clown is secretly very sad. Just like a Second Lieutenant.

Oh, I’m kidding.


Lots more on the secret life of Second Lieutenants later.

Stay tuned.


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Melodrama is so melodramatic. And gauche. Which is a word I’m not entirely sure I can define, but always reminds me of cold soup.

But I digress. As usual.

This blog was born with such high, high hopes – with said hopes quickly dashed upon the sharp and pointy rocks of my own inconsistent discipline and consistent laziness.

Also, I’ve been kinda busy, yo. Insert assorted perfectly reasonable excuses here.

So I reached a stunningly obvious conclusion: the only way to blog – is to blog. Just as the only way to write, is to write.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

But here is the crux of my problem: each time I try to blog – or write, if blogging is too, I dunno, gauche of a term – I find myself wanting to be epic. After all, now I’ve got oodles to share and gigabytes of pictures to post … so clearly, I have to draft a tumescent tome each time I type. Right?

Well, wrong. If I have that attitude, I’ll never write. Or blog. Or learn to play the harmonica with my testicles. These things take consistent practice to perfect.

Thus and henceforth, a very late resolution is born: I will blog something – anything – daily. Pictures may be absent; grammar may be grammarless; wit may be unwittingly whittled away.

But each day I’ll write. Something. When the Internet is inaccessible, still I shall write.

Maybe once in a while, one of those bursts of brilliance will emerge. In the meantime, leave me alone. I is practicing. Mmm-kay?

See the next entry for something – sorta – substantive.

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