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Archive for the ‘Iraq Deployment’ Category

A brief recap (which is, you know, sort of funny, since¬† “recap” implies prior substance):

I’m a writer. One who never rarely writes. Which is probably a good thing. Because if I actually wrote, people would realize I can’t write. This way, I can convince myself that my prodigious talents lie untapped in giant oily pools of brilliance, and if BP would only come along and drill me the whole world would see the truth!

As always, I now must digress: first, that last sentence up there is so full of muddled accidentally Freudian innuendo that I find myself both embarrassed and proud; second, there is some uncomfortable truth about myself (and about a lot of folks, I suspect) in that strange little burble: specifically, that I avoid working at things specifically to hide from the possible unpleasant truth that maybe no matter how hard I worked, I’d fail.

Interesting. If I had a shrink, I’d share that tidbit.

Of course, maybe I’m just terminally lazy.

Regardless, as I’ve covered extensively in prior 100% substance-free posts which I’m now recapping, I started blogging primarily to write about my current military exploits. Which have been almost infinitely entertaining, enlightening, and amusing … if only I’d actually, you know, written about them.

That changes today. I swear. No more procrastination.

So here I am in Iraq. Iraq sucks. And I promise to write all about it. Seriously. If you don’t stop laughing at me, I swear to God I’ll …

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Update: so although I just embarked on this rigorously enforced New Year’s Eve Resolution to blog daily (hush, you. I know it’s June 20th. It’s the Chinese New Year today, isn’t it?¬† No? Just go with it, people) and I have to point out that – thanks to the wonderful country of Iraq, in which the infrastructure resembles decades-old moldy boogers stuck under a schoolkid’s chair – I’ll be losing my Internet connection in about a week … and Allah knows when I’ll be getting it back up again.

Oops, more Freudian stuff inserted into my post.

Ha. Inserted. See what I did there?

Just wanted to note this in advance, because terminal laziness is always much more effective as a life strategy when you plan ahead.

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Where have I been?

Finished BOLC II in October. Shortly thereafter, BOLC II disappeared forever into the Place Where Good Ideas Poorly Executed Go To Die.

It wasn’t my fault. I swear. Probably.

Sometimes Google Images finds strange things. Very, very cute strange things.

What’d I do next? I got married!

Seriously. To the woman of my dreams. Your dreams, too, probably, but she’s all mine. For the record, it was not one of those spur of the moment “Oh God I’m lonely and really, really want all that BAH money!” military weddings.

Unless you call being together a decade “spur of the moment.” If your sense of time and perspective is that skewed, you may be a glacier.

This is a glacier. Glaciers are really, really slow. Which is kinda the point I was making there. In case you're a little slow yourself.

Happily married after way, way too much waiting around for her to make an honest man of me, I headed back to Benning for IBOLC. Also known as IBOLC or BOLC III for infantry types.

That is a long, long story. A deeply fascinating one, which can be summarized in a few short words. Words like: “Wow, that sucked, didn’t it?”

I graduated in February. And now here I am, a newly minted Lieutenant of the Infantry, beginning my first deployment to Iraq.

Today I sit in a piss-poor excuse for a billeted room – sort of a hotel for homeless types – at a local National Guard Armory. Tomorrow, I hop on an overcrowded, undereducated bus and travel on to my mobilization station; and after a few short weeks there, I’ll be on my way to Kuwait … then Iraq … and ultimately to a platoon of infantry riflemen just desperate for my skilled and fierce leadership.

This is going to be a trip. One that promises to range from tragic to banal to boring to endlessly amusing.

And thus the blog is reborn: after all, this was the stuff I really wanted to share. War stories, bore stories, and all in between.

Since I failed so miserably to blog daily about BOLC II and BOLC III, I plan – I swear! – to go back in time, when time permits, and tell stories. Or at least all that I can safely tell. Which leaves out most of the good stuff. Sucks for you, huh?

I’ll try to call it all up from memory, one day and week and month at a time. The same goes for OCS – after all, there are plenty of you out there curious about becoming officers. My advice? Consider Klown Kollege instead.

This clown is secretly very sad. Just like a Second Lieutenant.

Oh, I’m kidding.

Mostly.

Lots more on the secret life of Second Lieutenants later.

Stay tuned.

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